Relationship Answers with Shinobi Jim Ph.D.

The Ph.D. stands for physically devastating, but that's just cuz I'm a ninja, I'm really supportive emotionally :)

Picture, if you will, a relationship between a guy and a girl. Pretty easy right? So, imagine that the girl dumps the guy but still wants to hang out with him because they are still "really good friends". She starts to get confused because he has begun to act like a jerk all the time. She asks him what is wrong and he gives some answer regarding some trivial aspect of the relationship that was, or is currently happening. (hint: this is not really the reason he is acting like a jerk, he doesn't actually want to address the real reason.) The REAL reason is that the girl dumped him and he's experiencing a lot of hurt and confusion as she is continuing to play an active role in his life, and he doesn't know how to deal with it. Girls may not understand why boys act this way but turn it around, if he dumped her how would she feel? Even if it were for the same noble reasons, she would feel hurt and want to withdraw. What is confusing about that?

Let's take a look at it from a different perspective, in the form of a parable.

There was a certain man who loved cookies. Cookies were wonderful things to him and chocolate chip was his favorite variety. One day he was walking through his kitchen when the cookie jar said, "Come, try this cookie, it is probably the best one I have made yet!" You see, it was a magic cookie jar that made cookies all the time, and it was good at its job. 

The man reached out and smelled the cookie, it was a perfect chocolate chip cookie. He took a bite and the cookie jar suddenly snatched it back! "Hey! What was that about?! I was enjoying that cookie, and I wasn't done!"

The cookie jar looked back at the man and said, "Well, I figured just looking at it would be as much fun as eating it. See, isn't this great? You get to stand there in the same room as the cookie and look at it, and think about how yummy it is."

The man was very frustrated and really didn't feel like being near the cookie so he said that he didn't actually want to have that cookie anyway since it had too many chocolate chips (not the real reason), and stormed off.

The cookie jar thought to itself, "you know, I bet if I took out all the chocolate chips he would love to be near this cookie." So, the cookie jar ripped out all the chocolate chips and went to find the man.

When the cookie jar found the man it showed him the newly refurbished cookie in its hands and said, "look! I took out all those annoying chocolate chips so now it's just the way you wanted it to be! Now do you want to hang out with it?"

The man had a hard time expressing his feelings about the situation and wasn't about to tell the cookie jar why just looking at a cookie that he had recently been enjoying on an entirely different and more intimate level wasn't really very satisfactory.

The cookie jar was worried by the silence and thought it knew why the man didn't like the cookie, so from then on it only made chocolate chip cookies without chocolate chips. The cookie jar hoped that by changing how it made cookies no one would be dissatisfied with them ever again.

The cookie jar in this story ended up changing a fundamental part of its cookies even though the cookies weren't the problem and everyone else who ever wanted a cookie would have to deal with the lack of chocolate chips. The man may have just needed time to adjust to this new way of experiencing chocolate chip cookies or maybe things would never be the same. Regardless, changing how it made cookies didn't solve anything for that situation and wouldn't help anything in the future, in fact, assuming that no one else will enjoy chocolate chips in their chocolate chip cookies is more likely to hurt any future relationships with cookie lovers.

The chocolate chips represent something like communicating openly or in a way that builds a relationship. This "chip" isn't really a problem but removing it will be. The "chip" could be any number of things that are useful in fleshing out or adding depth to a relationship. When we look back at ended relationships we sometimes blame one of these "chips" and vow never to use that again, when in fact that chip may be exactly the right thing for a relationship this time. It can be hard to allow ourselves to give a new relationship the chance to form itself, to grow in the best possible way, because we try so hard to force it to work by using the "right recipe". Some things just take time, some need a little more of this or that, but adaptation is really important.

Second Thoughts

So, I was pretty pumped about letting people know that I have a blog, I got all happy when the number of page views jumped from 280 to 350 in one day, that's pretty fun. But now, I find that I don't feel as free to talk about whatever I want to because I know people are looking to see if I talk about them in my posts. I want to express myself without worrying if someone will read it and be (insert emotional reaction here). I know that people have a tendency to make assumptions and I don't really want to be the cause of misunderstanding or drama.

And so, it is with some apprehension and a little bit of defiance that I tell you now: Get over it! Ok, that was partly for me too. I read other people's blogs and it doesn't seem like they care what other people think or even get out of what they write, but to me people are one of the most important things in life and the people in mine are even more so, and I don't like being a jerk. What I write is the stuff I think about, so read it like that.

Thank you.

From here on out I'm going to pretend that nothing has changed and write like I ever did. And if you think you've found mention of yourself, take a moment, pat yourself on the back, maybe jump and shout a bit, you know, do what you gotta do, and then be happy. If you don't seem to find anything that relates to you, take a moment, pat yourself on the back, maybe jump and shout a bit, you know, do what you gotta do, and then be happy.

Thank you.

Intimidation

Have you ever met someone who so thoroughly intimidates you that you simply don't know how to function as a normal human being around them? Who makes you wonder what it is that validates your existence?

Me neither.

Serum

I do not believe that it is possible to be unhappy whilst drinking BYU Creamery chocolate milk. It is like an emotional invulnerability serum, protecting you from anything that isn't awesome. It's like Popeye's spinach, only, not green and not gross. It turns my taste buds into joy buds. Its luscious, creamy chocolaty-ness swirls past my tongue and down my throat, filling me with a sense of peaceful jubilation like the bubbling of rivulets trickling merrily into the serenity of a still pool.

If you can't tell I really like chocolate milk.

Avoiding Destiny

It's easy to see the reasons for our frustrations in the people around us. If he wasn't so lazy... if she would just say what she was thinking... if only they would listen... I would (communicate more, say what I felt, be better etc) but he/she isn't being (honest, fair, responsible, etc.) so I'm going to wait until (X) happens before I...

I am a victim of this brand of thinking. I have thought many times that things are the way they are because of someone else and when they finally get it, I'll be able to do what I wanted to do. This does not allow me to be free, nor am I able to be completely satisfied knowing that I have done what I wanted to do no matter the outcome. Notice I did not say happy. I would be happier with my hoped for result, but by doing nothing, nothing happens. This virtually guarantees that the result I hope for will not be the observed outcome. How often will someone be able to read our minds and suddenly understand how we feel and what we want and make the necessary effort to realize OUR hopes and dreams? I'll let you answer that.

I usually get to a point where I feel like I need to "understand" what the other person is thinking, and at the same time explain my point of view in hopes that they will "understand" me and where I'm coming from, and what I'm thinking and this will be the magic that makes everything happen the way I would like it to from now on. More often,... alright, nearly every time, the product of this conversation is not anywhere close to what I pictured. Half the time it's not even very good, and sometimes it's bad. Sometimes trying to "figure everything out" really just "messes everything up" which isn't what we want which is why we tried so hard in the first place to "figure everything out". As Master Oogway says on Kung Fu Panda, "One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it." I believe this happens when we make decisions, or more broadly, act, from a perspective of uncertainty and fear. When we act out of fear it is our fear that becomes the focal point of our actions. Even though we do not want our fears to be realized and try to take actions to move away from them, they are the central influence and thus become the more likely result.

I guess what I'm saying is act out of an attitude of faith that you will succeed. With success as the understood outcome the question is no longer "If" but "how". You will not get bogged down trying to analyze and avoid everything you interpret to be undesirable, but you'll be free to move forward and create opportunities for success.

I think it's interesting how we seem to be unwilling to say what we mean in a way others will understand us. Sometimes I think we are afraid to say what we want to say because of social pressures, or because we are unsure how the other person may respond. Or how about the fact that we act contrary to what we say? I don't mean the way we all say things like, "people ought to give to charities more," and then we don't give more to charities. I mean more along the lines of maintaining continuity between our verbal and nonverbal communications. Sometimes we say "yes" but then we act like it's not something we wanted to participate in. Other times we say "no" but then we act like we're disappointed when it doesn't happen.

The topic of misdirection came up in a recent conversation I had. I mentioned how frustrating it can be when people say one thing and then act like that's not what they meant and my conversational counterpart said they didn't like that either and had decided that by not saying or doing anything which could be misinterpreted they avoided misdirecting people. Basically by being intentionally hard to read, by not actually saying or doing anything with any sort of social implication or interpretation, one would never be misread. I didn't say what I thought about that at the time because the concept was simple enough I didn't get confused until later. If you never actually say or do what you mean then no one will actually know what you mean, and will therefore misread you with any attempt to do so. So, in reality, every time someone tries to read you, you will be misread due to the very thing you do to insure that you won't be.

I'm sorry if any of the above was confusing. I suppose there really isn't just one simple explanation for the varied ways people can produce confusion for themselves and others. If I take a look at myself I see that by being overly cautious I am not actually being true to myself, I am not doing what I really mean to do and I cheat myself of my goal. Who would actually try to sabotage their own efforts? No one would consciously admit to it, but we do this all the time! Due to our past experiences we try to act in a way that will bring success to our current situation. We build a template for our actions based on the past but usually ignore the current situation's unique set of circumstances and then when we realize things aren't going the way we want we become afraid to do or say what we really think or feel. Others sometimes become confused by this type of behavior and react in a similar manner, avoiding saying or doing anything definitive which just adds to the overall confusion. Honesty really is the best policy. Honesty in this case doesn't mean to say everything that may be on your mind, don't throw away your tact, but be honest to yourself and to others by doing what you mean to do, and saying what you mean to say. It may mean that you take a moment to really think about what you want, what you want to do or say, and how to do or say it, but I feel like it will pay off more than flailing wildly through life's events, reacting unconsciously instead of consciously acting.

What would you do if you weren't afraid? You know what you're afraid of. You know what it is that holds you back, why you don't do what you want to do. In some cases you may think you don't know, or you may think that there isn't a reason, and this will usually mean that it's something you don't know how to come to terms with or don't want to admit. Good luck with that, because until you are willing to find it, define it, own it (take personal responsibility for it), and allow people to help you with it, it will plague you and affect countless other aspects of your life. What would you do if you weren't afraid? Would you try out for the team? Would you speak up in that business meeting? Would you ask out that girl everyone seems intimidated by? Would you be more generous in your communications with others? Would you be the person you want to be? When you face a challenge, will you admit defeat before the fight's begun? Or would you rise to the occasion and boldly move forward? Would you be ashamed of your shortcomings? Or confident in your efforts and plans to overcome them?

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." ~ Isaiah 41:10

"Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." ~D&C 6:36

What would you do/be/say/feel if you weren't afraid?

Contented

I love subway.

Food is sooo good.

I had some.

I'm not hungry.

Insatiable

It happened again. It happens every day! Over and over I get these same urges. This hollowness in the pit of my stomach for more. I can't stay away. The pit grows deeper, more ravenous.

Food is sooo good.

I don't have any...

I'm hungry.

Stalkers

You know who you are.

Sometimes stalkers are creepy, sometimes they can just be weirdos that don't know how to say hi but really want to and then they just hover around your periphery like an awkward satellite, orbiting you at a distance that doesn't allow for easy conversation, but is close enough to make both of you uncomfortable. Sometimes you have a stalker that you'll never find out about. And sometimes, you become friends with your stalkers :) but this can be tricky, you want to take into consideration several things before you take this step, I think you can probably think of a few things. If you can't, let's just say it has a lot to do with the amount of information they know, how creepy or normal they are around you and others, if they have other friends, or if they are anything like this. (watch from 3:30 to 5:20)

But before I go on, I hope none of you are feeling guilty right now. Don't worry, I'm a ninja. I have done lots of stalking. This was usually because I needed to not be friends with these targets people because my sword has a hard time being nice of extenuating circumstances. Just remember that the difference between a stalker and a really good friend is that you won't know you're friends with a stalker whereas you will know you're friends with your friend. Another difference is that friends are mutually interested in each other and a stalker is excessively interested in finding out everything there is to know without exposing themselves. So, if you ever find out that a person you're stalking is stalking you, you might as well say hi, you're basically friends without the friendship part, and really, it's the friendship part that is the most fun.

I love my friends. I also love you, my stalkers. But before the stalkers get too excited, remember I don't actually know you, so it's not a huge love like you have for me. Remember also that I'm a ninja and if you're the scary/creepy/dangerous kind of stalker I would strongly encourage you to get counseling before I find you. If you're the acquaintance type who facebook stalked me and found this blog, likes photography, may or may not have a really cool accent, and likes crepes, I may or may not have stalked you back,... so, let's be friends.

True Love

"Maybe your first love sticks with you because they're the only one who'll receive all of you. No matter what, a piece of you remains in their heart: a piece no future lover could ever get. That piece holds innocence, friendship and pain, trial and error, that one kiss you'll never forget, and that one night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth, and everything you thought love would be."

~Unknown


Maybe true love is learning to access that little part of your heart again, the part you gave to your first love, to let it out and give it to someone else. Not to forget what your heart has gone through or abandon what that first love meant or the people who have touched it, even held it closely, but to learn to let it expand, to encompass more than you thought it could, to grow so deep it aches with the joy and the pain and the trust and the hope and the love of all that went before. And then with that same innocence, now coupled with the wisdom gained through heartache, to give it all to another.

Memorial Day

Well, May is just about over and it still doesn't feel anywhere close to summer. I went on a hike with some of the ward members earlier today and the trail was super muddy and treacherous! I mean, this is Ensign Peak, it's like the easiest hike in the world and there were a few places I thought I was going to eat it and get covered in mud, or totally have a shoe get sucked off my foot and eaten. We all made it up and back, went to lunch and got back home about 2.

I have been really wishing I had a better graphics card for my computer. Mine is really limited by it's 512 Mb memory and 128-bit bus. I thought about just waiting forever until I build a new freakish rig someday (I am eventually going to have (but not till I have a place that I won't be moving from or where I have roommates I don't trust) a liquid cooled setup with whatever beastly components I can find at that point.) but then I would sit here and be sad about my current graphics card until then and that's not fun. I found a pretty cool deal on an NVIDIA GTX 460 for $185 with a $35 instant rebate and a $30 MIR which comes to $120. Normally I would never do a mail in rebate because they are so stupid, but this one actually goes to EVGA and not some weird third party source that you never hear back from. So I thought I'd risk it, and besides I don't mind $150 for this card, it's pretty sweet. It should do much better with 1GB of memory and 256-bit bus, not to mention the 336 Cuda cores and PhysX technology, oh or the fact that it's the superclocked version. :-D oh yeah.

The Way it Goes

So I had planned a date for today in the morning, because that's when I don't have work and she was available then too, and it was going to be great! We were going to go eat and then go play at her favorite little park and have tons of fun with the partly cloudy, definitely sunny most of the time, weather. I planned on picking her up at 11am so I needed to head out early if I was going to have time to get flowers! I headed to the local grocery store and traced the familiar path back to the floral section to see what kinds of arrangements they had this time. This girl loves blue, so when, in the sea of reds and yellows and pinks, I saw bright blue petals I knew that was the bouquet I was getting.

As I approached the check out lines I looked at the express lane, the one that says 15 items or less, and made eye contact with the cashier, who was just finishing up helping a customer and was waiting for them to swipe their card. She hurriedly switched off the light on her lane indicator signifying that she was no longer available for customers to come through her lane. I thought some frustrated thoughts since the other two lines had people with significantly more than 15 items in their carts and I was under time constraints. My turn comes and I whiz through the process, head out to my car, ~* It is at this point that I would like to say how much I love my longboards. I LOVE them, they are so handy! You see they are in the back of my car and when I go to the store I park somewhere where there are no cars up at the top of the parking lot and cruise in on my board. I don't like wasting time looking for a spot up close that will save me walking distance/time because the time it takes to find one close cancels the other out. Then when I'm heading back out to my car I don't have to be all slow and walk there, I can hop on and push a couple times and ta-DA!! I'm there.*~ and drive out to her place. I pulled into the circle at 10:59 and walked up to the door and rang the bell at 11:00. Nice. By the way, still mostly sunny and partly cloudy.

Her grandmother answered the door and smiled at the flowers in my hand. My date was behind her and didn't see the flowers at first, until she opened the screen door to come out. She paused and the excited smile I really like spread over her face as I handed them to her. She turned to her grandma and asked if they had another vase since the one with the roses would be too small (a small question mark popped into my head at that) and the cute old lady bustled off to find one. I waited in the entry way while my date started preparing the flowers though soon she turned and looked at me as if to say, "what are you still doing over there?" She asked me if I was going to stand by the door all day, and I took that as an invitation to follow her into the kitchen.

~* Side note: you see, young men, it is not really appropriate to assume that you suddenly have free reign in someone else's home and should therefore wait to be invited in further. Not a lot of people know that, but I will say that it will earn you bonus points with anyone over 40 who was taught this as a child, and extra mucho bonus points with anyone from a generation who expected that sort of behavior from their children ;) End of side note*~

Her grandma came back with a vase that was just on the large side for the amount of flowers in the bouquet and excused herself from the room. My date went over to the vase with the roses in it and commented that even though the roses were in water they had managed to dry themselves out. I wondered again why she was telling me about these roses which were probably from some other guy or that were just there because her grandparents like roses, but I had to admit, it was pretty cool that they had dried standing up and still looked so nice. She got the fresh flowers arranged in the vase and put them on the sill and threw away the roses and washed out that vase. And then we were off!

We wanted waffles so we went to the Red Rooster, but they had closed... sad. So we went to IHOP, but they were undergoing renovations and gave us a five dollars off coupon. So we went to the IHOP down the way and had a yummy meal. All this time the clouds got thicker and there was less and less sun shining...not cool clouds, back off!

After lunch we went to her favorite park, which was close to where she used to live just a couple weeks ago before she moved to her grandparents' house. At some point while we were there at the park I realized why she had told me about those roses. All the pieces started falling into place now that we were back in the old stomping grounds you see. I had given them to her May 9th because she had had a super long weekend and I wanted to cheer her up. That was two full weeks ago and she hadn't moved yet! She moved and brought them with her! How cute is that?! Super, that's how. I parked and we made our way to this really cool play structure. I'm going to see if I can find a picture of it somewhere, because that would be awesome.

Well, I couldn't find any pictures of the place, but maybe I'll take some. Anyway, the structure was like a cube standing on one point and had a frame made out of smooth metal poles like on a swing set and the rest of the structure was a network of ropes linked together all over the place. It was really cool and really fun. We were on the smaller one and there was a bridge over to the bigger one where we spent a lot of time. We had a race to see who could get down from the top the fastest... my date won because she's smaller and fit through the tight spaces better. Then we raced to the top... I won because I'm taller and stronger. After sitting and talking for a bit, suspended 15 feet in the air, tangled in the network of ropes, we crossed the street and walked up the hill to a dome that resembled the cube structures and climbed on that a bit. The sun had decided that it didn't want to play so we dealt with the clouds and breeze. The dome was a little less amazing so we weren't on that for too long and instead went over to part of the park that has art sculptures that are designed to be skated on, a pretty good idea I thought. She went to the top of a little protruding mound and I found a little red hollow plastic ball which I tossed to her. I missed a couple times, though she didn't really move much to try to catch it. I started walking away, once she had the ball, to go check out something else and had only gone a few steps when I felt a soft stinging in the middle of my back. Spinning around I noticed the ball rolling around near my feet and a certain girl standing on a mound a few paces away with a mischievously coy grin on her face. I picked up the ball and walked to the top of the mound just inches away from her and placed the ball in a pocket in her hoodie.

We walked around the skate park art and back down to the dome where we each playfully bumped into each other a few times. The dome was on the top of a hill so we decided to roll down and get dizzy. The rest of the time we just sat and talked, and I stole her shoe a couple times, and we played with the little red ball, stuffing blades of grass into the tiny hole.

I took her back home and went to get ready for work. Hugs are pretty nice. As I went to the train station guess who showed up? The SUN! what the heck dude!? where were you all day!? The rest of the day the sun was shining and I just shook my head.

That's just the way it goes I guess.

Go to google maps and put in the following coordinates:


40.553959,-111.999369 the park we climbed around on
40.554078,-111.998755 the hill we rolled down

Lack of Sleep

So, I didn't wake up on time for my shift today... lame. I think it's because I couldn't sleep.
I went to bed at 11,
high five me,
and woke up at 12...
fell asleep at 2...
woke up at 3...
fell asleep at 4...
woke up at 4:30...
fell asleep at 7ish...
woke up at 8...
Then I was in and out of semi-consciousness for a while and then my coworker calls me and asks if I'm ok, or if I just forgot to come in. Dang. Not so much high five...

Well, I think one of the other reasons I forgot was that it was the only shift that was different than normal and I usually think to myself in church when they announce FHE, "I'll get there after I get off work."

I know I checked my schedule though, because I was making plans to take a girl on a date during the week sometime and needed to figure out what day was going to work best based on our schedules.

I really don't know what happened there.

Kung Fu

So I don't even know why it's so hard for me to write things. I kinda like writing. I guess I get bogged down in the process of building something when I can't tell how long it's going to take and I might not get done or be happy with the result. That's silly though, you can always change something or put it on hold as you create it. I feel like lots of things happen in my life, but I don't really take the time to put it down anywhere. Well, I'm going to try a bit harder at that.

I can't believe I didn't write about it when it was going on, but I decided to attend a kung fu rank test on April 22nd and 23rd. I began taking Wing Chun Kung Fu at SLCC in January from Bill Smith, Si-gung of the Sil Lum Kung Fu Club in Salt Lake and the surrounding regions. It was a fun class where we were allowed to fight and yell and stuff. I really enjoyed learning kung fu and even though it was physically taxing a lot of the time I knew there was knowledge and skill to be gained so I went for it and it payed off.

I don't really like working out, in fact I almost try not to it seems. I hate feeling all shaky and tired and sweaty and smelly and like I can't move properly or breathe well. I think what I hated about it the most was the lack of mental stimulation. I know how to lift this weight over and over, I know how to do something until I can't anymore. It just seemed so pointless, the only thing all of this mind numbing repetition was for was the results of more definition in my muscles and better health. Don't get me wrong, those are good things, and who doesn't want to be healthier and have better musculature? I know I do, but the mind numbing part was just too much. That's why I love kung fu! You're learning skills not just doing something over and over that doesn't mean anything. You're doing something over and over so you can be awesome!

So, back to the kung fu rank test. BRUTAL is the only word to describe it. I have never been exhausted so entirely in such a short amount of time. Oh, it didn't feel short while we were there, but three hours isn't that long really. A three hour workout is definitely a long time though, and since it's composed of partially warm-up type things and doing precise kung fu moves the exam judges never run out of things to make you do better, more, or harder. But that three hour session was only the first half of the test, you see, there was another round of this slotted for the next day! I usually work on Saturdays in the morning so this would have posed a problem, but luckily my work was scheduled to be closed this particular Saturday so I was free... for more torture. We did more of the same, including doing a whole lot of horse stance, and then we did stations where we had to do stuff like holding containers of weight out to the side at full arm extension while flat walking down the Kwoon (like dojo) and back, going all out on punching bags doing all manner of kung fu to them the whole time, practicing kicks against targets, and attacking iron sand filled wall mounted targets. And whenever we were in line for a station we were to sit in horse stance 100% of the time practicing blocks. Then we paired up and did some conditioning (beating our arms together with a partner's or kicking each other in the ribs/shins etc.) until our judges were satisfied we knew how to condition. Then it was on to demonstrating The form, and then techniques with a partner and that was actually really fun. At one point while defending against punches my partner didn't do anything when the sifu said hai, so I actually punched him in the face. He was really good about it though, and laughed that he had just stood there. It was right in front of one of the judges too and he just chuckled and said, "do something!"

Finally the test was over and we sat on the mats in silence and waited. And waited. And then they came out and began presenting us with our rank advancements. Everyone starts out as a white sash, but after this test, if you pass it, becomes a gold sash. I'm a gold sash in the wing chun system :) It was kind of funny when we were presented with our certificates and sashes I remember thinking: "I hope I don't get called first, I want to see what I'm supposed to do," and then guess what happened... yeah, I got called first. Hahaha well so much for that, I just did the best I could and that was all I had been doing so it worked out.

The Tiger in Me

I'm not even sure what I want to write about.

Emotions are powerful things. Important things. Sometimes it's important to pull yourself away from them for a moment so you can see the bigger picture. Sometimes you have to hold onto an emotion and let it fill the moment.

It's interesting how my own personal state is so greatly affected by others and the interactions of their lives with mine.

I find this to be much like a dance, perhaps a reel or something, where all persons are engaged and dancing their steps but depending on the level of effort and/or accuracy the dance may be enjoyable or rather frustrating. Many such dances have you switching partners after each set of steps. Two such are: Lucky Seven, and The Gay Gordons both of which are performed in a circle. Upon completion of the foundational steps in The Gay Gordons your partner moves to the next person and you receive a new one at the same time with whom you will now dance the original steps again. This is repeated until the music is done and is quite a lovely dance to watch (and to do if you know it! ;).

In Lucky Seven dancers take hands in a large ring and dance a few steps in unison...

after which the ladies turn to the gentleman on their left and the gentlemen to their right and prepare to weave in opposite directions, each taking the hand of the next person coming into range...

until they arrive at the seventh person and perform a behind the back spin placing everyone back at the proper positions to begin the set again! It is very fun but very tiring and you're never partners with anyone for long.

So, 'what the heck' you say? Well, let me tell you what I'm talking about. People sometimes fluctuate in and out of our lives, or perhaps up or down in the level of influence in our lives and it is like a dance. Decisions and actions taken by you or them form the steps that move you through the dance, drawing sometimes closer to some, and further from others. Emotion is tied closely with dancing and when one is in harmony with their partner and the music it is almost euphoric. When the steps are out of sync, or you stumble through the cadence of the music the dance becomes painful.

Waiting is hard to do. I hate trying to be patient for something that I really want. I'm usually not when it comes to stuff. I was interested in building a computer so I did. I like swords and when I see a really cool one I want to have it. I'm much better at not buying swords though, since there's not much to justify $200 for a thing I'll put in the corner. But I sure do like sharp shiny metal things. It's different when it's not stuff. The intangible is so much harder to wait for. I feel like my heart is saying, "Are we there yet?! Are we there yet?! Are we there yet?!" and I have to keep saying, "No. No. Look I'll tell you when we get close, ok?"

So, the tiger in me wants to pounce, but any good jungle cat knows sometimes you have to wait it out. Never let your eyes wander from your goal, but use time instead of force, and let your prey come to you.

A list of Stuff

Ok, it has been a long time since I wrote anything in here. So how about a recap of recent events beginning from the last post. Well, and some stuff before it.

1. Began a Dungeons & Dragons game with Phillip, Stephanie, and Matt.
2. Leveled Up
3. Experienced some miscommunication
4. Had an awkward Valentine's day
   
5. Julie and I broke up
6. Kung Fu was a beast and made me throw up (but I love Kung Fu, it rocks)
7. Amanda got home from her mission
8. I got a new CPU cooler that has red LEDs and it's awesome.
   
9. I took a girl from my ward out a couple of times
10. A girl from my FHS class sent me a couple vibes (I'll come around to this again in a bit)
11. Learned some jujitsu
12. Met a girl that went to my junior high at the same time I did, in my same grade, who I could not remember. Let's just say she grew up... a lot.
13. Got her number
    
14. Went on a date with a different girl from my ward and played racquetball for the first time. totally awesome
15. Got a wicked bruise on my arm from Kung Fu/Jujitsu
16. Decided to pick up on the vibes from earlier and got the girl's number
17. Ordered a modular PSU for my computer that has an LED switch so I can make the LEDs blue, white, or turn them off. It's a 1000 watt bad boy
18. Ordered a book that my coworker and friend Renee's friend wrote called Entwined
    
19. Took out the girl from my class and had fun "ring shopping"
20. Received the book less than 24 hours from the time I ordered it, totally a record.
21. Wrote this list of stuff that happened

I don't feel like typing or thinking, so I'm done now.